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This is how to strengthen faith during hard times.
Before she even knew it, Ashley D. Wille was assigned a special purpose. Throughout her childhood, she had always felt a “distant calling,” but did not understand what it was or what it meant for her.
Without knowing what and despite growing up with wealth, travel, and opportunity, she was constantly missing something and felt an ever-present void within her soul.
“My soul whispered to me that this place was not my home.”
This feeling of not belonging, of searching for something beyond what her eyes could see, is something that can only be answered by faith.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. —Hebrews 11:1
This is not blind wishing but spiritual certainty, the divine assurance that what God promised is real, even when everything around us says otherwise.
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The Trouble with Living in a Broken World
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” —John 16:33
Ashley saw what evil filled this world from a young age. She remembers looking out of her father’s Jaguar and seeing a homeless man, from whom she felt a despondent and heavy aura.
“I noticed he was staring at me. Our eyes locked… I could see his empty soul, with which I could identify.”
She also saw dead animals on family road trips and wept for them. On August 8, 1974, she watched the President resign in disgrace and realized figures of authority were not always exemplary individuals.
Many of us have felt the same. We see the suffering, the lies, and the pain that so infuses the world around us, and we begin to wonder if God is real or if He even cares about this world.
Ashley struggled with this, too.
“I lived with repressed duplicity and subconsciously craved benevolent authority and the security of absolutes.”
This is where hope for what is not visible must take root.
The Struggle of Being Far from God
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. —Psalm 34:18
Ashley’s married life was painful. We tend to think that being in union with another person will keep us alight with connection, yet this is not necessarily the case. What fullness her heart sought was not found in marriage, especially because her husband seemed distant.
“I could not escape the flames of the gaping cavern in our relationship.”
She tried counseling to keep the relationship afloat and even tried forgiveness. Still, nothing worked, and at the end of the day, she felt only loss and a sense of abandonment.
But God was using this as a lesson for her. Through her despair, she came to know that He had not left her–He was always there, always drawing her closer to Himself.
“Through this experience, the Lord brought to my attention that I was living with a great deficit… He called me on a journey to Himself.”
This journey required her to trust what she could not see. She had to believe God was good even when her circumstances said otherwise.
Biblical faith is not about exploring feelings but about making decisions. Ashley decided to keep seeking God even when He seemed silent.
“I determined to have all of Him—whatever that was.”
Facing the Darkness of the World Honestly
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” —Psalm 139:11
One of the most powerful moments in Ashley’s story is when she got angry at God.
“In my prayer I had reluctantly admitted to myself—and to Him—that I was enraged with Him.”
She had believed–and dreaded–that God might reject her for this honesty and her impetuousness. Who was she to be angered by whatever he did? Instead, God only asked her a simple question:
“Do you feel better now?”
This is the conviction of things unseen in action. Ashley risked everything by being honest with God, but she trusted He was big enough to handle her anger — He is big enough to handle the anger of the world.
“I subconsciously figured that if the God I had known up to this point was going to reject me or strike me dead because of my honesty with Him, then not only was life no longer worth living, but He was not big enough to be my God.”
God did not reject her but held her tighter in His vast embrace. This experience changed everything for her, and Ashley learned that God is never afraid of our questions, our pain, or our anger. He wants us to bring our whole selves to Him, warts and all.
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You Are Called to the Journey
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. —Jeremiah 29:13
Ashley wrote this book for her four daughters, for she wanted them to know the God she had found.
“In this journal I share with my four daughters a brief summary of each step of the journey I have made so far… I leave for you this lengthy path of stepping stones I encountered during my plunge into Ultimate Truth.”
You are also called to this journey and have been assigned a purpose as well. You are invited to know God, not just know about Him.
“I know now, to the core of my soul, that I am truly His child. I am no longer ashamed or afraid because I know He knows me fully, accepts me fully, loves me fully, and will never reject or condemn me for any reason.”
Do not wait until you see proof. Believe now. Trust now. Rest now. He is faithful.
My Journey Through the Cross by Ashley D. Wille is available now. This book will walk you through the process of finding God in the darkness, step by step. Order your copy today and begin your own journey through the cross.
